Living a Lie
by half-breedMiralian
Summary: He hadn't had to deal with a suicidal alien before. Then again, he hadn't expected himself to be craving the presence of the alien either.


He knew Zim. Enough, at least. They had fought for years, learning more from each other with each battle and plot that was foiled. Eventually, Dib began to wonder what life was like before Zim had turned up. And then he halted the thought, because he didn't even want to imagine what life would be like without this excitement he felt whenever he battled. So he had come to that conclusion: life without Zim was non-existent. Zim had trapped Dib with this realization, this fascination, so there was no way out.

Still, he knew Zim, and he _knew_ that the alien felt the same way.

But he wondered if he truly knew Zim when the Irken Invader turned up on his front doorstep. Without his disguise.

He was immediately on guard. Even though he loved fighting with him, he knew that Zim was still a plausible threat to Earth. Nothing would change that. So he thought rather forlornly as he placed a hand on the water gun he kept in his back pocket. He sneered. "Pretty stupid of you to turn up like this, Zim."

Ruby eyes ignored the reach for the weapon and instead focused on the inside of the house beyond Dib's head. "Silence, earth-child." He spoke softly, almost wearily.

Dib scowled and leveled the gun with Zim's head. "You have five seconds to explain why you're here."

Zim blinked. "I…" It appeared that he was struggling to find words, but he spoke when Dib's finger tightened on the trigger. "I require you to hack the Irken network."

Dib pursed his lips. "Why?"

The creature coughed awkwardly and murmured, "I…" Then his antennae flattened against his green skull and Dib suddenly found a gloved hand wrapped tightly around his throat. "I do not have time for this," he snarled.

Dib struggled as Zim forced him to the floor and pulled something from his PAK. A cold metal band was snapped around his neck, and Zim whipped out a remote and turned a knob. Dib jerked once and lost control of his legs. "Take me to your lab," Zim hissed, punching a button.

Dib unwillingly marched upstairs to his room, Zim following close behind. When the alien saw his room, he snorted. "Pathetic. _This_ is your base?" He cast a criticizing glance upon Dib's computers. "I've seen Irken nurseries with more technology than this place."

"It's able to compete with your base, isn't it?" Dib managed to gasp out in an attempt to goad Zim.

But Zim only murmured, "Indeed." He forced Dib to sit in the chair and said, "As I was saying, I require you to hack the Irken network." Several wires slithered from his PAK and attached themselves to the computer. With a few deft keystrokes, a password bar came up. He then jerked his head at the monitor and commanded, "Do it."

Dib found his fingers being forced to move to the keyboard and he pulled up several algorithm scans. He was panicking inside; what was his enemy having him do? Perhaps he was trying to hack the Massive's controls again to bring his leaders to Earth? Or was he trying to have a super weapon delivered illegally?

But this code that was appearing…so complicated and beautiful. He had never seen anything this advanced. This was more complex than Zim's technology, though both were extremely similar.

Any concerns melted away as he was drawn into the Irken technology.

"Fascinating," he muttered, watching lines of code scrolling up and down the screen. He was aware that Zim had stopped controlling him, and realized with defeat that the Irken didn't have to. He had already trapped Dib yet again.

Twenty minutes and a loud ding later, the firewall had been broken through and they were in the system. Zim shoved Dib aside and began typing rapidly, clicking, scrolling, searching for _something_. Dib leaned over his shoulder and watched, though his eyes were more on Zim's face than the screen. With each click, the Irken seemed to grow more frustrated. With each program he passed, his ruby eyes seemed to grow more alight with desperation.

Finally, it appeared that Zim found what he was looking for. Brief relief flashed through his eyes and he tried to access the file.

_ACCESS DENIED_.

He must have sworn in several alien languages, including Irken and English, as he slammed his fist on the keyboard. "No, _no!_" He rounded on Dib. "Open it!"

He reached for the controller, but Dib stopped him. "Quit it, Zim! I'll do it. You don't have to force me. I'll admit that I'm a bit curious." Zim blinked dumbly as the human slid in front of the computer. "After all, it isn't every day that I get to mess around in your horrible alien race's network."

That certainly seemed to force silence on Zim.

Fourty minutes later—for passing this firewall was much harder than the first—Dib opened it and blinked at the many icons that flooded the screen. Food Service Drone, Janitorial Drone, Communicator, Invader—the list went on.

Invader. That was what Zim was categorized as, wasn't it? Dib scowled at the icon and glanced at Zim; he too was staring at that icon, but his gaze seemed saddened. He cleared his throat and murmured, "Pull up my PAK's coding."

Dib raised an eyebrow, but did as asked. He did not see was he was expecting.

Food Service Drone.

He turned to Zim so quickly he almost received whiplash. "What is this?" he hissed. "You're not an Invader?"

Anger. That was what he felt. Had he wasted his years? Wasted them fighting a pathetic scrap that appeared to be on the low chain of the Irken hierarchy? Of course, he realized with a shiver, if Zim was this difficult to keep from destroying the earth, he could only imagine what level the true Irken Invaders were on. Facing a whole armada? Suicidal.

Still, he couldn't help but be furious. "Answer me, Zim! Are you an Invader or not?"

"No. Zim is far from that." The ice in the voice made Dib pause in his rage. Zim looked away and said wearily, "I require you to change my PAK's coding. From this to an Invader."

Dib said no immediately, which was completely futile; Zim harshly wrenched the knob on the remote and Dib was forced to complete the task. In a few minutes, Zim's PAK now stated that he was an Invader.

"Now then," Zim murmured, voice filled with a dark resolve. "I require you to deactivate this PAK."

It took Dib a while to process this request. Finally, he spluttered, "_What_? That's suicide!"

"That is what you humans call it, yes," Zim said calmly, gaze dragging lazily around the room as though he was suddenly interested in his environment. "Is there a problem?"

"Uh, yeah, there is!" the boy snapped. "I'm not just gonna kill you."

"Why? Was that not your lifelong goal?"

"Not like this!" Dib protested, and then he realized just how wrong and sick and _cruel_ those words sounded coming from his mouth. "Well, I mean—"

"You're just going to have to settle for this method, dirt-monster." Zim pulled up a small box on the screen.

_DEACTIVATE?_

Dib swallowed when Zim's controller forced him to drag the mouse icon to the "Yes" box. "Zim, why don't you just do this yourself? Why me?"

There was a long beat of silence between them. Then Dib watched the Irken's lips curve up into a small smile, void of all the menace and scorn and mockery that it usually held. "Because, Dib-beast," Zim said almost _affectionately_, "you are the most worthy opponent an Irken could ever ask for. My Tallest…" His face darkened at the mention of his leaders. "They dismiss your planet as a worthless ball of dirt, and it is. But they do not realize that there is at least one inhabitant that could bring about the destruction of the entire Irken empire if he tried."

A three-clawed hand was held out. "Zim acknowledges you, human. Therefore, I wish for you to be the one to kill me."

Unsure as to how to answer that, Dib took the hand. "Zim…"

And then the Irken leaned forward and brushed his mouth against Dib's, effectively freezing the boy.

Zim's hand slid over Dib's, which was holding the mouse. "Remember, Dib," the alien murmured in his ear. "Remember that we know each other. Remember that you trapped me."

Dib felt his index finger be pushed down.

_Click._

* * *

><p>When Gaz came home fifteen minutes later calling for her brother that they were going to be late for their family night with their dad, she received no response. With an angry growl, she trekked upstairs and found Dib murmuring feverishly to himself and the keyboard clacking loudly beneath his slender fingers.<p>

She tried to get his attention by calling him a few names, and when he didn't respond she threatened to maim him. Then she spotted the body lying on his bed. With a snort, she told Dib to stop playing around with his idiot friend and get his butt out the door.

In return, she received one of the most hate-filled glares she had ever seen.

"Get out." The voice was low, menacing. When Gaz decided to frown in return, Dib roared, "_Get the hell out of my room!_" The girl stepped back. "_Now!_"

Dib found himself alone with Zim's corpse, trembling, typing, praying.

* * *

><p>Thirty minutes later, Dib was crushing Zim in a hug as soon as the light returned to the ruby eyes. And then, eyes alight with rage, he whipped out his water gun and sprayed it at the alien's face.<p>

Zim's shriek was music to Dib's ears.

"You _idiot_!" Dib snarled over the Irken's voice. "You think you can just kill yourself and expect me to be okay with it? What the hell is wrong with you?"

Zim finally stopped writhing and sat up, head jerking wildly about, trying to figure out where he was. When he fixed his ruby orbs on Dib's face, he howled furiously and launched himself at the human; they wrestled, kicked, punched, clawed and bit, making the bedroom look like a tornado had raged through it. Zim finally pinned his rival and spat angrily, "Why did you bring me back, Dib-filth? _Why_?"

"I have a better question," Dib hissed, struggling against the strong hands. "Why do you want to die so much? Have you gotten tired of living for your precious empire?"

"My empire would prefer it if I were dead!" And suddenly the flaming anger in his eyes was doused by a wave of sorrow. "My life—my _mission_…all lies! Zim is no Invader. This planet was not for me to conquer. It was for my exile."

_Outcast._ That was the term that flashed through his mind. Dib looked at the creature before him and no longer saw the proud, arrogant Irken he had fought for so long; he saw a broken alien who had been stripped of the one thing he lived for: his mission. He was alone. Had nothing. Had no one.

Cautiously, Dib pushed Zim up; Zim let him. He stared at the green boy for a while, and Zim stared back, as though still trying to figure out his motives. Dib coughed. "You don't…have to stop…" He was horrified that he was even saying this, but the thought of not seeing _Zim_, not being able to fight him, not have him in his life… "You don't have to stop trying to conquer Earth."

The sight of Zim's ruby eyes widening was quite humorous, and Dib smiled. "I mean, your Tallest may have abandoned you, but you're not really on your own." He ducked his head and mumbled, "I'm still here, aren't I?"

The black antennae went up and the Irken moved closer to him. "Why did you bring me back, Dib?" he murmured softly into black hair, a hand going up to the side of his face.

A sigh. "Selfishness, Zim. I don't want to be alone."

"Any other alien would do. I'm certain that some other race would stumble upon this worthless planet later in time."

Dib chuckled. "Probably." And, emboldened, he turned golden eyes to ruby and gave a smile. "But they aren't _you_. You're the one who trapped me. It's only fair that it's you that I can't be without now."

Zim squinted at his face and rapped a fist on the human's temple. "You sound strange, worm-baby. You have been reading too many of your…row-mance things."

Dib winced, but managed a weak, good-natured chuckle and ran a hand through his hair. "Quit it. Guys can only convey their feelings in so many ways. You've been here long enough to know that."

"Zim has also been here long enough to know that there are more convenient ways to convey feelings." Zim leaned forward and captured Dib's mouth with his. When he pulled back, he cocked his head and inquired, "That was one of them, yes?"

Red stained alabaster skin as Dib blushed furiously and looked away. _Oh, God. Has life just become more complicated than I hoped?_

"Dib-thing?" The voice was hesitant now. "Should I not have—?"

Dib shook his head, laughter bubbling up in his throat as he realized that _he didn't care_ what the future held. He grabbed the front of the Invader's uniform—_I guess he's a true Invader now,_ Dib mused—and pulled him forward for another kiss.

His tongue entwined with Zim's, and he smiled and pressed himself against the Irken. When they pulled back, he inspected Zim momentarily before nodding to himself. _Everything will be fine. We're not alone anyway._

"What?" Zim hissed embarrassedly, purple lightly coloring his own cheeks.

"Nothing. I guess it's time for both of us to stop living a lie."


End file.
